Monday, January 31, 2005

*slaps head* Stop Forgetting!!! *slaps head*

Oh my gosh, I keep on forgetting this, for some reason. Yes, just like Cara said, .:My Shadow:. is dedicated to Amanda, my sort of friend, kinda. It was lunch at school, and we were outside, in our "spot" with Cara (well, it's not really my spot, it's theirs), and she was thinking of poems I should write. Of course, as she's a horse maniac, she wanted me to do a poem about them. I don't love them, and I don't know much about them, and haven't really been in contact (that sounded wrong....) with them (besides my neighbor having 2, or 3, I dunno.....). So then, we were looking at our shadows, and she said to do a poem about shadows. I thought and was like, "Oh, I can do that, sure." Then, of course, I started it on the bus. For some reason, it's like the best spot for me now to come up with poems. It's weird, so don't ask me why.

Another thing, I was supposed to put at the end of that blog below this, is a link to what Cara had to say about the pep assembly. She was elsewhere, so has a different view and stuff. And she didn't see that thing with Frank and his fuzzy dice *me and Brittni crack up* ok, the link is here (just go to her blog). Cara played in the basketball game and stuff, so she was close to the action. And it took her a much shorter time writing it!! So she should have a better memory and stuff...... *yawn* let me go back to sleep..... LOL, Frank and his fuzzy dice!! heeheeheeheeheee... *yawn* good night...

OH!!! Thanks music, for reminding me (I'm listening to Slipknot.... hey, I feel asleep listening to it a little before 4:30, then woke up an hour later.....) I'm thinking, wait, I'm going to put music on here. And the person who made the codes and stuff, said that they aren't working (some do work) and she found out why, so if it's not fixed by tomorrow (Feb. 1) then....... something, I forgot....... and I'll like change the songs.... whenever I feel like it. Some are really good, and others I haven't heard, so don't hurt me!!! oh, and it's on of those with the play and stop thing, so if you don't like it, just press stop. Hmmmm, what should the first one be..... *tries to find one that works*

k, I fixed it. Thanks to Cara, I didn't notice that instead of .:My Shadow:. I said .:Secrets:. SORRY!!!!! I was tired!

Another prep-- I mean another pep assembly

I don't like pep assemblies, they seem to always be centered around preps. The past week was a "Spirit Week" Monday was Career Day, Tuesday was.... 60s Day, Wednesday was Hawaiian Day, Thursday was... um, Sports Day, and today (Friday) was Color Wars (where 6th grade wears yellow, 7th wears blue, and 8th wears black and orange). I like Color Wars, cause you can just look around and see what grade someone is in. But, sadly, on color wars days, we have a pep assembly. It's also kinda cool how people are wearing the same color, but in different ways. I don't really like how some people temporarily dye their hair or put tons of face paint on. A lot of the people in my grade were/are very spirited. classrooms were a sea of black and orange.

Mr. Rainey wasn't at school again today. And instead, we had Mr. Crum as a sub. During lunch, I "helped" Brittni find some cds for the pep assembly. I was surprised what cds our good PE teacher, Mr. Lawson, had. Metallica, I understand. And a few country cds too. But Linkin Park? Disturbed? And Evanescence, my most favorite band in the whole wide world? I was jumping up and down at the sight of the best cd ever. Evanescence music during a pep assembly. heh, turn on "Tourniquet" lol, no my fave song on that cd is "My Last Breath", I love that song. "Hello" is my second fave, it's so sad :(

Anyway, 5th period, right after lunch, we were supposed to do our constitution project, but people were goofing off sumwhat since most (i think) didn't have their partner. I didn't have my partner, Steph. But that's ok. It was alot quieter without her. I sat next to Skyler and Shequoia. They understand me, and in my assigned seat, there was no one near me, so I just decided to sit next to them, even though they were done. We talked and laughed, and yea, I did get some stuff done, so ha! Later, Mr. Crum carried around a roll of orange ribbon, then if someone wanted some of the ribbon, they'd cut off a length of it. I put mine around my leg, so did Skyler and Shequoia. By then, everyone was playing around with their ribbon(s). Bogue cut it up and taped it to his hat. As Shequoia and Skyler were explaining stuff to the sub (mostly about other people), particularly about Bogue and how he was kind of stupid, Bogue was having a little too much fun with the ribbon. He found that when he breathed, the ribbon could stick to his nostrils. He was laughing, and one of the 2 people i sat with, said that it was possible he could get even more stupid. Just then, I looked over at the guy with the hat, and the ribbon was over both nostrils as his mouth was open. He held it for quite a while.

Waiting for the person on the intercom to call our class to the gym, we all just stood around and talked. I noticed Frank (weird shaped head, unibrow, but extremely funny) put his ribbon around his neck, then put his fuzzy dice (that said Go Panthers and were orange and black) on the necklace thing, so it was hanging over his chest. I also noticed that he was squeezing his fuzzy dice.

"Frank," I said. He didn't hear me, and continued to squeeze the dice. I started cracking up, slowly moving towards the floor, laughing so hard. I regained my strength, and stood up. "Frank," I said again as he continued what he was doing.

"What?"

"T-that looks wrong..." and I made squeezing motions with my hands. Then I had another fit of laughter.

He knew what I was talking about and moved the dice over the, er.... correct spot, and continued squeezing. The people around me were like, "Ewww," or started laughing. Me and Skyler barely stood up and Shequoia was looking at Frank weird. The next thing I knew, still cracking up, I watched Frank being chased by Shequoia and Skyler who wanted to squeeze his dice.
Frank came up to me (still squeezing) going, "How does this look perverted?" I was doubled over with laughter, and so was Colton. After that, he asked that to nearly everyone he came across. When he asked, he recieved glares, eww's, and yes's, especially on our way to the gym and waiting for the assembly to start.

First, was a basketball game. Our 8th grade girl team against "female" staff members. And I mean that, because most of our female teachers didn't want to do it, being too old, and 2 of the teachers pregnant. So we had 4 male teachers (5 if Rainey was there) dressed up as girls. Mr. Wallace, Mr. Cox, Mr. Martin, and Mr. Burnham. The teachers had made up fake names for the "girls" but kept the same last name. When they called Mr. Wallace's name, he flipped his hair back, it was so funny, he also had a purse. During the game, Mr. Wallace called a time out and he took out lipstick from his purse and started putting it on. Later, he did a free throw and was all wobbly and stuff, so Mr. Martin tried to hold him up but, he was still wobbly, so Mr. Martin went on all fours for Mr. Wallace to lean on. he looked like he was concentrating a lot before he shot. Then he took the shot, and it came back at him. It had a string attached to the ball and his hand, and the ball was like fake, and defalted and stuf. Mr. Wallace ran off to the other hoop and did like a lay-up, but, of course if didn't work.

Then later, there were games and stuff (I don't remember the order). There was a song writing game, where 3 people from each grade wrote a song (6th wrote about celery, 7th wrote about telephones, and 8th wrote about turtles). I thought the 7th grade should've won, cause it was indeed better than the others, but it was a tie between 7th and 8th (8th was terrible, honestly), I think that happened cause the songs were supposed to be at least 30 seconds long, and only 8th went past that, despite how better 7th was.

Another game, three people from each grade, then one was wrapped up in saran wrap, then that one person had to hop around this obstical course, I knew of course, 6th was going to win, because Chism, probably the shortest person you could ever meet, was the one to be wrapped up.

There was this sort of break. LouAnne and Bridget had earlier that day, begged Mr. Schlauch (an awesome teacher, had him last year) to go home and bring back a trap for the assembly. Mr. Schlauch (being who he was) said that since they disturbed his class and wanted him to run over to his house, they had to eat a sandwich that he made special. Now, they had to be blindfolded. LouAnne was struggling. She didn't want to do this. Someone (I think it was Jordin) held LouAnne's hand behind her. Mr. Schlauch had people smell the sanwich and stuff, so they would go up and you would hear "Ewww" from the speakers, and they would back away. Cara was funny. She like made a good ewww sound and covered her mouth. Of course, now the 2 girls had to eat it. They were both struggling, but LouAnne was doing really good trying to get out of the other girl's grasps. Of course, the sandwich turned out to just be peanut butter and jelly sandwich with pretzels in them.

Another game which I rather enjoyed (watching), was the banana game. 3 people from each grade, and one had to put nylon over their heads. The other two had to put a banana THROUGH the nylon into the person's mouth. For eighth grade, we had, Phillip, Becky, and last, but certainly not least, Kaitlyn! If that couldn't get better, Kaitlyn had to be the one with nylon over their head. LOL!!!! Becky put the banana "through" the nylon and Phillip, held the nylon, making Kaitlyn have her head slightly back. Oh and I mean by "through" cause they cheated. Me, being 2nd to the top row over to the opposite direction of where she was, and I could see it. You could tell, she was holding it up, and Becky was putting it straight into her mouth. Morgan and Amanda, who were sitting by me could see it, too. Then, 8th grade "won" 7th should've. Then Kaitlyn spit up the rest of the banana (Becky had dropped it on the floor before they even started)

OK, I can't remember anything else, so I'll leave you there. Oh, and I started writing this on Friday, and now it's like..... Monday...... I'm soooooooooooo lazy -_-;;;;;;;

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

.:My Shadow:.

My shadow
I find I’m never alone.
Forever you’re beside me.
Whether it be on a stone
Or next to a tree,
You’ll always be here with me.

My shadow
You take the form that I own.
Like an offspring so much like me
Yet can shrink and grow.
You’ll live forever with me.

My shadow
So much like me
You’re here with me.
My shadow
Forever, I’m not alone,
For you are my shadow.

1/24/05

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The beach didn't do me any good

I'm sorry I haven't posted really any new poems (oh by the way, "Fear" was written December 2004, and i like it as my motto kinda. It's cool, I like it) I went to the beach on Sunday (Lincoln City and back in ONE day) At first I was like "Yay!! Inspriation!!!" Well, my friends know I get motion sick REALLY easy, I had to take this less drowsy formula of Dramanine (I just can NOT spell today, first constitution *looks at spelling* OH MAN!! I friggin forgot that "T" and Steph already colored it! Today's not my day! First I spell it "constution" then the sub tells me i spelled it wrong so I changed it to "constiution")

Anyways, that stuff just doesnt like me. The trip there was ok. I was listening to my CD the whole time (Slipknot) as my 21 year-old bro was listening to his some of the time (Kylie Minogue *dont ask*), cause he also had to read a lot since he's in college since he changed his major from Engineering to English (dont ask why). So, when we got there, I stood in the sand, letting the wind blow my hair behind me and in my face. My bro was complaining it was too cold (he always wears shorts, even in the winter *don't ask*) so he and my mom sat on a big log by the concrete wall. My dad was standing near them. I was watching this guy in a tank top and shorts (its like around 40 degrees) skip rocks. I saw this rock in the sand that looked (to me) like a skull I showed it to my mom and she and my bro couldn't see it, so i threw it in the ocean.

Then, me and my family went on a sort of walk on the beach. We got so far, when my bro wanted to learn how to skip rocks (me not surprised) so my mom and dad both showed us how to do it (kinda). So we skipped rocks and continued skipping rocks when we couldn't find anymore flat rocks. But we did find this hotspot. we were in that spot for an hour it seems, and we didn't run out. I can't remember what Matt's best skip was, but mine was 6 bounces with this heart shaped rock. later, I found it again, and got 6 again. Then, the next time I found it, it went really far and did only 2 bounces. i didn't find it again, cause the tide was really coming in. We stopped skipping rocks when me and Matt ran out of energy.

After that, we went to the outlet mall place, and I got this two-scoop ice cream cone with chocolate truffle cake ice cream. YUM!!! I looooovee chocolate. That was the BEST ice cream I've ever tasted! YUM! Even a guy came past me and asked where I got it cause it looked really good. Sad, I got full before I finished it. After that, we drove around, looking for houses that my mom rented for sister's weekend, and also the beach house my aunt and uncle owned (we couldn't find it.... no address could we find). During that, the dramamine (or whatever) was making me nodd off a bit. Now, I don't like it when that happens, so I grabbed a Coke for caffine (i felt the effect for about 45 min. then it wore off). I'm one of those people that can get really hyper with enough sugar and caffine, and goes down slowly, so I just did not like this effect I was getting. I couldn't sleep cause we just HAD to take the truck (my dad loves it to much) and there is just SO little space for the people in the cab. My bro's a lot bigger than me, and sitting behind my mom, he gets more leg space. Oh, geez, I remember going to Spokane in that thing. That was a NIGHTMARE!!! But, of course we had to, since the SUV was acting all weird and stuff. It was sooooo friggin' hot! At Leavensworth, WA which is in the cascade mountain range, it was 102 degrees. I'm not kidding! I was dying!

So, I couldn't sleep since I can't really even find a comfortable position to just relax. So I was really miserable. The sun set when we were going over the bridge from Oregon to Washington (I remember that cause it was all blood red and I said "Look at the sunset" and then a second later, my mom saw the sky and said "Look at that" me: "I just said that. Nobody listens to me...") Then when we FINALLY got home, I headed straight for my room and went to bed, even though it was like 6:30-7:30... So that's a day in my life, or at least when we're traveling (which we do a lot, my dad doesn't like being cooped up in the house, but apparently in a car...... hmmm....)

My upper right arm aches, lower left back, inner right thigh are sore from the rock skipping. I haven't been really creative lately. I wasn't really inspired by the beach, since I go there quite a bit. But I've been in this kind of mood. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm not doing much on the internet except playing games. Not really doing homework (it's not really very important and there's not much at all, and I believe I have all A's right now, so I don't care right now) and I keep forgetting stuff. I get lost in my thoughts alot, and I just listen to music all day, do something on my computer, and watch a bit of TV now and then. On Saturday, and found really good to just stand outside, listening to music with the wind blowing and cats that stay near me that I can pet (I love cats for that. They seem to sense when you're down and comfort you). I'm not really depressed, I know what that feels like. It's weird, this morning I felt this way, then I was like in heaven yet still felt like this (kinda like how I feel now with my heart lifted) My friends can figure out right off the bat why I felt this way (Brittni knows, for sure). Then school was over, and my mood went back down again. I'm getting like depressed as I write this. I think I'll stop now. Oh, and I have like 3 or 4 poems that are just waiting for me to finish. It just comes in my head and I put it down. I think My Shadow is as good as it could get (lol, wrote it all on the bus. The bus seems to be the best place to write poems, even if a former classmate from Russia is trying to figure out what you're doing, like a journal or a note to name a few)

Monday, January 24, 2005

Fear

Fear of the past
Fear of the unknown
Fear of the dark
When you are alone

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Food Fight!!!!!

Lol, I didn't feel like posting this yesterday. I was so lazy -_-; But yea, just like the title says, there was a food fight yesterday during 8th grade lunch. Being in a small school in a small city, I've never experienced a food fight. Yeah, once in a while people would throw a bit of food at someone a they would throw it back, then a teacher would see them and give them a warning. But this food fight will go down in our school's history, seriously.

Now, I've realized that 8th grade has been pretty good lately. The only problems seem to be in library and in the halls. So, you might think something was going on, right? Correct. A small group of boys had been planning this food fight for weeks. Names I won't say... oh, nevermind, everyone knows who the masterminds were.

So, it's about 10 - 15 min. since lunch started. I was finished cuz I didn't want to eat to much because of the squid disection later on. You can read about it here. I'm very sqeamish, if you didn't know. So I was looking around at the rest of the cafeteria. Looking at the balloon that had floated up to the ceiling that had belonged to a birthday girl, I guess. I looked at the table near us, seated only by boys (no, I wasn't staring at one of the boys cuz I 'liked them' I actually hate all the boys there) The table is also in the middle of the room or near.

One of the boys gave some sort of signal (Jaron, I believe. I think it was like "Now!" or something) So, I was watching as Josh stood up, and threw food at the preppy (popular) girl table. It was something liquid, I believe. So the girls were screaming, making me grin, as I hate all of them. Their table was on opposite side of the room from our table, so we weren't near getting hit. Then Josh threw the rest of his tray's contents as Jaron threw his food towards another corner of the room. By now, people were hiding under the tables (including 2 boys of that table) or had run away out of the commons. Our table still wasn't near being hit, so we were all (me, Brittni, Amanda, Brianna, Kayla N. .....and thats all I remember) just sitting there, watching, me laughing. Someone else threw food on the other side of our table and hit Keely who was standing there, watching them. She barely flinched, and continued watching.

I looked back at the boy table, watching Trenton still eating. He was laughing and started gaging. The boys stopped throwing food since they were out of stuff to throw. The office had cleared out, all the secretaries, the principal, the assistant principal, the librarians, the lot. I was like, "That was totally awesome!!"

Me, Brittni, and Amanda decided to get out of the commons, since, yea, it seemed common sense. There was food splattered on chairs, chips all over the floor, a half-finished slice of pizza on the opposite side of the room (it looked like it hit the wall), and peaches scattered across tables. We were almost out of the building (our school has outdoor hallways) when I realized that Cara had missed the whole thing!! We realized that Mr. Bright (the principal) was preoccupied in the cafeteria, so we wouldn't get in trouble going across the yellow line (a line we aren't supposed to cross before school and during lunch) as we has got in trouble before when we found out that Mr. Rainey wasn't in his room and there was no way to get into the 8th grade pod (building with only 8th grade classes) since we always go into his classroom when we finish eating and always find a way in if he's not in there and the door is locked.

At first when we were outside, we started walking fast, then it broke into a run. We burst into the room as we all started talking. I said, "You guys missed the food fight, it was totally awesome!!!" Cara, Mr. Rainey, Nick, and Jordin (a girl) were in there and they had all missed the legendary food fight!! They were listening to Jordin's iPod on the stereo with two speakers placed on either side of the room. The three of us planted ourselves on desk tops and started explaining everything to them (mostly to Mr. Rainey)

It was sooooo awesome. I found out later that Mrs. Happs, a custodian, got pictures of the food fight. lol, she carries a camera around everywhere to get stuff just like that for proof that something happened. But I think a 100 (or less) students saying there was a food fight and the mess that was left behind would convince many people that it actually did happen. I think they should use those pictures in the school yearbook. That would be awesome.

Friday, January 21, 2005

When I hate someone...

My friends know I hate preps. And I mean, preppy preps that are boycrazy and think they are the center of the universe. Now, at school there are these two particular preps that I loathe. Their names are Kaitlyn and Whitney (the first one i hate the most) Why do I hate them? They are annoying, loud, and... they did something that I won't speak of. But it made me go from hating them to loathing them.

Anyways, where I'm getting at is that something... happened yesterday. Something really funny. First and second period of the day I have to deal with them. Then also every other day on the last period (6th) for gym.

So, yesterday, first period, in Mr. Rainey's class, we were silent reading. Whitney was obviously trying to get Mr. Rainey's attention, as she was going, "PPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTT!!!!" really loud. I was trying to read my book of Emily Dickinson poems, so, upset, I glared at Whitney. Whitney saw me and stopped. My eyes went back to my book. Behind me, I heared Whitney say, "Mr. Rainey, I don't think Megan likes me."

I started cracking up. Brittni, who was sitting beside me, kinda looked at me weird. So I said, "Did you hear what Whitney said?"

"No, what?"

After I told her, Brittni was laughing, too. If you don't get why it's so funny, I'll say that I was thinking of saying, "What gave you the first hint?" to her. I still laugh at what she said. Preps don't understand why people hate them, for some reason, or something like that.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

About .:Secrets:.

"Secrets" is dedicated to Cara. She wanted me to write a poem yesterday called "Secrets" cause, Mr. Rainey was telling my other teacher, Mr. Wallace, what Cara said to be a secret since they were both whispering. That was like yesterday, 5th per. which was science with Wallace... and we were doing our projects (building buildings with toothpicks, marshmallows, straws, and sticks of wood. then, when we're done, we're gonna see if they can stand Mr. Martin's earthquake machine!! It simulates a 9.5 earthquake. Oh, and my group is me, Cara, and Skyler. It's fun working with them. They just say the funniest stuff. Anyway, yea, Cara told me to write the poem, so over an hour later, when school got out, I headed to the bus and started writing away. Most of it was written on the bus, in fact. I love how the poem turned out, I really do.

.:Secrets:.

Whisper something in your ear,
It’s a secret, I tell you.
Don’t tell anyone, do you hear?
A secret between me and you.

Now, I regret telling you that secret.
Before I could open my eyes,
It had spread everywhere like wildfire.
I can’t believe you lied.

I lock away my darker secrets.
No one will hear of them.
I hate them, and try to forget
These secrets that are tearing me apart.

1/18/05

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Freezing Rain

Over the weekend, we had freezing. it was awesome. Where I live, we rarely get any snow, and get all excited when it does. So, there was freezing rain on Saturday, all day, with the strong winds, of course. I think the temp. was around 27 degrees.

I live on a 'mountain' called Mt. Norway (tell me if you've heard of it), so i believe I'm over 1000 ft. above sea level... I think. We have a big yard (2.5 acres) with a nice slope which wears you out if you run up it. So, we got a lot of ice (me: WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!)
Last year was so much fun, 'cause we got a TON of snow, then a nice layer of ice on top (around 3/4 in.) i was having so much fun on my hands and knees, sliding down the hill in our yard. My brother was so jealous cuz the ice breaks under him.

So, anyway, on Sunday, it was soooooo fun. It stopped raining ice, and there was little or no wind. And i went to go get the mail (500+ ft. away) and the driveway was SO slippery. on the concrete where the cars are parked (well, the 2 most used) and i slipped and fell. i started cracking up, though. then, our driveway goes uphill where it wasn't icy cuz of all the trees and stuff. Then after a while, it meets up to "the main driveway" cause there's like 3 other houses that share the same LONG driveway. Anyway, going down on the gravel driveway was soooo much fun!!! I was sliding down on my feet like i was on a surfboard or something like that....

Okay... fastfoward. Walking up the hill (driveway) again, I came across Jessie, one of my neighbor's dog. Now, Jessie has been through a lot of incidents and has a bad right leg (towards the hip bone, I dunno what it's called...) Jessie walked over to me, walking on the ice. You could tell she was slipping with her legs going in different directions. She tried to dig her claws in the ice, but it didn't help, so she retreated.

Back home, I avoided the concrete when an idea came across me. I dropped off the mail and headed back to the front yard. Pretty much, I was ice skating without skates. the concrete has a nice slope to it that lets me gain speed. I was out there for quite a while, trying not to fall. A piece of ice fell from a tree overhead. I tried to kick it out of the way, and fell. It hurt, really bad. I landed right on my hip bone, slightly on my butt, but my right leg got the most of it.... Yep, my bad leg. I laughed a bit and got back up, continuing to "skate". Before long, I fell again, I don't remember what happened though. I just... fell. This time, thankfully, I did not land on hip, but i still landed on my right leg. The lower part, this time, hurting my knee.

I got up and said, "Okay, that's it." Walking back into the house, with my pants, jacket, and gloves wet. My mom was sitting on the couch by the fireplace. And I said to her, "I don't think we should go ice skating tomorrow." We were think of going the next day. "Why?" she said. "Cause, I just fell two times. Not once, but two times. I'm gonna be really sore tomorrow."

I was right. On Monday, it hurt to sit in a certain position, and my right arm still hurts... possibly from my many falls.


Oh!!! And, Cara, my great friend, finally has a blog. Check it out.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Winter

Snowflakes fall to the ground
So lightly, you can’t hear a sound.
Awakening from slumber,
You can see the magical wonder.
It can cover the highest peak,
But it can’t reach the lowest beach.
To the mountains, we shall go
Where you’ll freeze your butt in the snow!
Poor person, I pity you.
That happened to me once, it’s true!
But the snow was so much fun,
You forgot about your frozen bum!
Standing by the window still
You can see snowflakes falling in the chill.
The graceful stuff that makes winter fun.
There’s so much you can do without the sun.

1/6/05

Snowflakes

Snowflakes, snowflakes,
In the sky.
Snowflakes, snowflakes,
Catch my eyes.
Snowflakes, snowflakes,
Ooo, they’re so high!
Snowflakes, snowflakes,
Ah! I got one in my eye!
Snowflakes, snowflakes,
So beautiful as I cry.

1/6/05

Sunday, January 16, 2005

This is how I am, this is me

What is it that has caused me so much pain?
Many things that are linked in the same way.
I remember back when,
A happy soul, I was.
Quiet as I still am now,
But less insecure.
My soul was hiding something
That I found was slowly growing.
My main experience, if you didn’t know,
Released the beast within.
I’ve been shown the things in life
That others don’t see.
I can see the dark in light,
Even if you don’t believe.
I can sense feelings that others ignore.
Sometimes I feel their pain,
Even if they might not feel it themselves.
I’ve seen the night during the day.
Before my experiences,
I couldn’t see the real world.
But, now, I’ve lost my innocence.
I’ve lost the true part of childhood,
And envy those that still keep it.
The world is darker than one might seem.
Open your eyes and see what I mean.

1/9/05

Friday, January 14, 2005

Hey

Sorry my poor poem lovers who read my blog... i haven't really been in the "mood" to write poems. I am in the making of a few. I'm kinda slacking, not making much progress. Hey, I'm so happy that you guys post. Cara, a great friend of mine told me the url to my teachers blog. Now, he is the teacher that told me about blogspot. He is one of the best teachers I've had. His name is Mr. Rainey (Scott Rainey). Check out his blog. It's funny, and it talks about my class and students like Cara (I read the one called "Ignore 8th graders at your own peril!" and i was cracking up, holding my side) so, check it out, at least. Well, ttyl

Nightmares

I know I might suffer,
I know I might die,
But the pain in my life is coming alive.

Haunted by my nightmares,
I wake up to find I’m asleep.
Chased away by reality,
I find my refuge in dreams.

Say goodnight,
I’m going away forever.
Forever alive in my dreams,
Because I find fear in nightmares.

3/1/05

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Alone

Alone here, in this crowd of people
Trying to find my purpose in this world
I try to forget all this fuss
But no success can I find.
I look in my heart, not my mind,
To find out what makes this depression in me.
I find that I’m alone,
Trying to find my place in this world.
I don’t like this feeling
Of always being alone
I feel alienated, unwanted,
A chill that goes down to the bone.
I know I’ll always be alone
In my empty heart.
Even if I’m surrounded by people
I’ll forever be alone in my heart.

Between 3/1/04 and 5/10/04

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Poems

I have some poems I might share with you all that are old. And by old, I mean before June, 2004... cuz months after that, I found that I was actually good at writing poems, and I had found my dark side. Before that date, I was just... how should I say... depressed, but really, I was hiding it so well. I know I will share Alone with you, but I'm not so sure about Waterfall. That one is just... weird. I'm not in the greatest mood right now, probably because it snowed last night, and we barely get any snow where i live, so I was excited. Then, when there was about 1 in., it stopped. Then I woke up this morning to find most of it had already melted away, since it wasn't cold enough last night. And now, my family complains how it's so cold, I love the cold, and I go "What?! It is not cold, it's only 38 degrees! And that's outside. In here, it's like 68 with a fire going." *sigh* what is wrong with my family? They've always been like this.

I'm going to blog like this once in a while if I had such a bad or good day. And, MeCrazyMe, you inspire me so much I can't explain it. I can just read your comments and have an idea for a poem. I really appreciate your comments I feel I have a true friend through the internet. I have another one, but he's younger than me, and I can't really tell him everything...

Can You Hear Their Voices?

Can you hear their voices?
They are calling for me
Beckoning me to their side.
I don’t know what I should do.
They look so frightening,
Yet so kind at the same time.
I can’t describe their looks to you,
It’s so complicated in my head.
But they live in the darkness,
The darkness is misunderstood.
You understand, don’t you?
Can you hear their voices?
My legs are walking closer to them,
But my mind hasn’t been made.
I think something is wrong.
The closer I get to them,
The weaker I get.
They’re taking my life,
Draining it with their horrid presence
Save me before my life is taken.
It’s so painful,
It’s like drowning in my own pain.
Like, dying in my neighbor’s pool.
Like, suffocating from my own sadness and hatred.
I never knew I could feel like this,
And I don’t like it.
Can you hear their voices?
They’re calling me to death.
Their worn robes flying
In the non-existing wind.
Fear floods me for their Undying kin.
So this is the end.
You don’t believe me.
Did I ever trust you?
Did you ever trust me?
Can’t you hear their voices?

1/7/05

Friday, January 07, 2005

Save Me

Will you save me from this pain?
It’s killing me, I believe.
Just hold me tighter
And my heart will stop bleeding.
I know you don’t love me,
And I hold on to that.
But no matter what I do,
My heart will hold on to you.
They say true love is
Letting go of someone you can’t have.
But why can’t I?
Why is my heart holding on so tightly?
Maybe I’ll never know,
Maybe I’ll feel like this forever.
Who knows what the future might bring
On to someone like me.

12/16/04

Unknown

People won't listen to me,
I think I'm going insane.
Sometimes it feels like I'm invisible.
I'm drowning in my own pain.

Am I unknown?
Here in this world all alone?
Fear the dark, fear the pain.
Don't get lost on your way.

My notebooks are filled
with pictures of gore,
poems of pain,
And the things I adore.

Am I unknown?
Here in this world all alone?
Fear the dark, fear the pain.
Don't get lost on your way.

What's happening to me?
I can feel myself fading away.
washing away with the current
Of the river that shows me the way.

Am I unknown?
Here in this world all alone?
Fear the dark, fear the pain.
Don't get lost on your way.

I press the knife to my neck.
Red blood stains the blade.
I can feel my life leaving me.
Death, death. Pain, pain.

Am I unknown?
Here in this world all alone?
Fear the dark, fear the pain.
Don't forget how I found my way.


1/2/05

Drowned in Darkness

I’m drowned in darkness,
And I can’t get out.
Suffocating, dying,
Will you save me from this doubt?
This depression I’ve gone in,
Sucks all the confidence
I still have within.
The cloud over my eyes
Has become so dense,
I just can’t seem to see
The things right in front of me.
Afraid to let go,
Afraid to hold on,
I’m drowned in darkness,
And I can’t get out.

12/13/04

Welcome

Okay, hello all you people. I decided to come here because i wanted to share my poems to you all... and there wasn't enough space on freewebs. Yeah, my friends love my poems (or most of the poems anyway) I'd like to thank my teacher who suggested blogspot, because i was kinda in a stuck postition at freewebs, and i think i'll keep the site up, just not really update it. You can go to it here. I'll post the same poems here, but there's still something special about that place... I like the music. I feel asleep listening to it on New Year's Eve around 10:45pm and slept through midnight.... But well! I never really understood what was so important about New Year's anyway.