Love?

Why does my heart flutter so?
When you touch me the slightest.
Why won’t this feeling go?
When I want it away.

I feel so silly
That I feel this way.
People say you aren’t worth
The love I will give away.

But I don’t trust the others.
They don’t captivate me
Like the way you did.
Do you think it’s meant to be?

Sometimes I think you hate me.
Sometimes I think you don’t want me to stay.
Sometimes I think you like me.
Sometimes I think you want me to stay.

My mind is all fuzzy,
I can’t think straight.
All these thoughts in my head,
Swarming at an extreme rate.

Sometimes I think you’re lying to me.
As if you want to keep the truth from me.
Whatever the truth may be,
I wish that it will let me see…

What is right?
What is wrong?
How will I get your attention,
If not with this song?

How will I get you to love me?
How will I get myself to hate you?
How will I save me from myself?
How will I know you speak true?

With all my memories,
Your name is carved in my heart.
The heart you won’t accept,
But you still have kept.

I wonder if you want to keep my heart
I wonder if I’d let you.
I wonder if I stole your heart,
You’d once again steal mine, too?

And here I am, thinking about the future,
Picturing it in the most positive way.
And I know it won’t happen.
We were never meant to be.
So be it!
I just hope one day I’ll see...
The reason you don’t want me.


With this knife,
I will cut out the part of me
That cares for you.

5/27/05


'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
The last "verse" (With this knife...) is a line from the song "With This Knife" by Smile Empty Soul. Just to let you know I didn't come up with it... I just like it. It fits nicely with this poem.

Ok, I'm SOO going to bed now. I just finished this bloody poem that's been floating around in my head, and it drained the rest out of me. I feel better than I did before... because a certain something happened, that pertains to the first paragraph/verse... the event that inspired this poem... if you know me, then you know who this is about... GEEZ, this is long...

Lit Mag

Ok, peoples. I want you to decide what poem you guys think I should enter to my school's Lit Mag (where people can submit stories, poems, essays, drawings, etc.). Of course I'm going to enter more than one... I'm afraid I would be denied some poems. I know one that I'm for sure going to submit: Drowning in Darkness. If you need to look at my other poems, just go through the archive over there >>>>>. I really don't know what other poems to submit... since I think most of them suck, but I know that at the same time, others think that they're really good.

And I better not get just one comment... or two!! *glare*

I Feel...

I feel invisible
Can no one see my pain?
Can no one see me
Dying in the rain?

I feel so insecure
I want people to stop
All their talking behind my back
Why can’t they just see all
The knowledge they lack?
It hurts me so much
And they just laugh.

I feel broken
Life is so cruel
I want it to end.
Let’s see how happy people take it,
When they find they have a traitor
As a close friend.

I feel lost
What is the meaning of life?
Is it positive or negative?
What if I take this sharp knife,
And cut into my skin?

I feel… angry
I don’t understand why life has to be
So straight forward.
A routine is what they expect of me.
They want everyone to be the same
But it’s not possible, none of it is.
Everybody doesn’t get along,
There can never be peace.

5/21/05


'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
Megan is really emotional right now. It feels like my heart is going to burst out because of all these... thoughts and feelings surging through me. I've been thinking and writing poems almost non-stop. It's really sad...

Because of You

I can barely breathe,
Do you know what you have done to me?
My world is dead
Because of you.
You broke it and rode on through.
My heart is broken
Because of you
You stole it and broke it in two.
Now, because of you,
Inside, I am but dead.
You know it’s true!
You killed a perfect childhood.
I cry for the life I won’t have
Because of you
I try to heal the past
That was ruined by you.
But we are given one childhood.
I grew faster than I should’ve
Because of you.
I never got to live an innocent life
That I see everyday.
They are so fragile and unknowing,
That I know you must pay.
Oh, how I miss those days of innocence
Before you killed my very meaning of existence.
And now… because of you, I’d rather be dead.

5/18/05



`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
Ok, I decided to post this poem before the medicine I took would knock me out (VERY effective stuff, it makes you cough "better" to get the stuff out of your lungs then you ease up on coughing.... but on the dark side, it tastes SO dreadfully awful, it could make one decide NEVER to take medicines AGAIN!!! *I think it killed some of my taste buds...* ALSO you get really light-headed, and kinda sleepy.... so sorry if I'm not thinking straight).

Believe it or not (I'm watching E3. I never thought I could get in so easily... (SORRY!!!!!)) this poem was FIRST inspired by my cold, since it's kinda hard to breathe and stuff. I had the beginning of the poem in my head for a few hours, and I finally put it to paper, changing my thoughts on the way, and throwing away my first attempt at this poem. I just let the words flow out. So I guess this poem could be about someone else's life... I guess. SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT!!! (ok, Megan is finding it hard to see straight now O_o)

Hawksong

Yes, I know it's been forever, I'm sorry. I do have a poem I wrote last night, but I'm to lazy and this thing I need to talk about... is needed to talk about while it's still fresh in my thoughts. Oh, and this is under Daydream and not A Dark Soul, because I've been posting a lot on the other one, and it's been truly forever since I posted on this, even though this.... post isn't a poem or whatnot..... well, I'll just get on with it.


Ameila Atwater-Rhodes is truly my absolute favorite author. I mean, she's younger than my brother even!! She writes "dark" stories, and she wrote her first one (which I own), "In the Forests of the Night", when she was 13.... 13!!!

I read "Shattered Mirror" first and it is STILL my favorite book of all time (OH!!! And I recently bought it =D). It's an absolutely BRILLIANT book about vampires and a witch, also a vampire hunter, who becomes friends with vampires, and pretty much gets disowned by her own family. Very emotional book.

Then I read "Demon in My View", very interesting, but it still wasn't as deep as the book ^above^. Interesting concept, predictable ending.

Then "In the Forests of the Night", clever, I mean she was 13!!! Reading "Demon in My View" before this was a bad idea. Read this book before "Demon in My View", it will be much better, I promise. Because of it, I knew what was going to happen in "In the Forests of the Night", and it didn't make it as.... intense as I know it should have.

"Midnight Predator" had me taking in every word. Disappointing ending, I'll admit. The plot is kinda wack, almost as if this girl/hunter was only going for revenge. It's ok at the beginning, then the plot gets subsided, and stuff like that (it's getting harder to explain for me).

And no less than 30 minutes ago, I finished "Hawksong", a book I borrowed from the school library no more than a week ago. My SECOND favorite book of all time. I read more than 200 pages tonight only out of the 243 pages in the book. I couldn't put down the book. I had absolute NO clue how the book was going to end and I NEEDED to know!! That's how good it is. Unlike Ameila's other books, this one doesn't have vampires in it, almost as if this book was an experiment, and it is different from her other books; a good different at that. In the book, you learn about a world in our world. About this war between two kinds that's been going on so long, that no one even knows how the war started in the first place. This book is about love and trust, and the meaning of peace. I'd recommend this book to ANYONE!!!!! Then if you like this book, read "Shattered Mirror" the emotional theme is kinda the same, but it's still a thrill ride, just like "Hawksong" (and "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", but that's beside the point).


Ameila Atwater-Rhodes has influenced and inspired writings of mine, including There's Nothing Left to Do. I'm not sure if other's could catch them (the parts where she somehow influenced/inspired me), though (from the story, I mean).