{Untitled :: 4}

Lost in the scenery
Of everything around me
Can't see what I wish
Can't wish of what I dream
A deep veil of mist
Beneath your eyes
Melt in your gaze
And stuck in your maze
Composure isn't safe
Neither is freedom
Lost in your gaze
Melting in your maze
What are trees but bits of wood?
What is the ocean but drops of rain?
What is the sky but a reflection of your soul?
Unraveling in your gaze
Unhinging in your maze
Lost in your soul
Or mine?
Your thoughts or mine?
Your feelings or mine?
What are humans but stardust?
Born from the heavens
But not your god.
Mine.
For I am my own.


[Because it is possible to have everything and nothing at all]

~September/October 2010

[Untitled]

Love you if I could
Should I?
If you knew that I would
If only I could
Love.
Feel.
Believe in what's real
Real?
Lost in a daydream
In my technicolor memories
Fantasy
On the border of insanity
Smoke and mirrors must be real
Just like the pain that I feel

{Late Feb/Early March '10}

Epiphanize at Night

Weave the light
And sprinkle the stars
With tears of the past
And pains of the future
Kill the sky with gems
Rubies, sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds
Glitter the ground
With false hopes of love and misery
Envy that which shines when you don't

So bright, eyes hurt
And hearts explode with emotion
Ecstacy, anger

Kill the sky with tears
That glitter and shine on the ground
It shines when you don't

The pain in your eyes
Lives in the darkest clouds
In your eccentric dreams
And in the suns in the sky

The sun is weary with sorrow
It looks down and cries
Condensation

Cling to the sky
With your wildest hopes and dreams
Fly with the stars
And wander in between

Die by the light that was weaved
With your tears and pain
Die by the jewels and stars that never faded away

Look down at the sun
That always looked down on you

Torch the sun
And freeze the moon
Fill the stars with
Glorious jems of different hues
Drown the ocean
And free the air
Go ahead and bury the ground
If you even care to dare

Dampen the fire
And burn the sky
And wonder if it's the best way to die.
Couldn't come up with a better way
No matter how hard you tried
Jump on the water
As it torments the moon
Go attack the knife
With a broken spoon
Wasting away at half past noon

Don't even try to sleep tonight
For it will surpass even your wildest dreams


{2/10/09}
(Experimental Poem)

Tissue Heart

Couldn't believe I forgot about this. I was going to put this up rather than the one I put out right before this. (the [Untitled] one). It needs work...


Holding a heart made of tissue paper
The slightest movement will tear it
A squeeze will crush it
A gentle tug will rip it in two

Holding my heart made of tissue paper
Torn and taped up
Soggy from tears
Stains from spillings

Holding your heart made of tissue paper
Edges ripped slightly
Sewn up and wrinkly
Red stain from a gunshot

Holding a heart made of tissue paper
So easy to destroy
So hard to take care of
Blow it gently and watch it fall

{7/28/06}



Stanza 3, the last line bugs me like hell. Gunshot? Bullet? Bullet wound? Ehh...

[Untitled]

Heh. Another old poem. It currently doesn't have a title, but if you think of something, I'd be glad to hear it!! ("Dark Days" doesn't seem proper for it... to me)


Such dark days when all hope feels lost
Such dark days we find ourselves come across
Days get harder as the world gets darker
Such pain we feel
Such pain we endure
Pain gets worse as the days get darker
Waiting
Just waiting for the time
When all the pain comes to an end
Waiting gets harder as the pain gets worse

{4/7/06}



I JUST changed the last word of the 3rd to last line from "end" to "time"... cuz it seemed repetitive, obviously.

"Such pain we endure" is somewhat of a phrase I use now and then. I got bored at church (I'm pretty sure it was x-mas eve), and so I grabbed a card actually meant to be drawn on, and I made a half border, a spider web, dead tree, grass, and tombstones. At the top in a sort of "font" I mad myself, I wrote "Such pain we endure" and below in smaller, normal letters "'The best go first'" (in quotation marks!), because don't people say that a lot? Or is it just my imagination? Oddly enough, this was all before Kyle Cooke died.
It does seem to be true, though, doesn't it? And I'm pretty sure I thought of it when I thought about "horrible accidents" on TV... when someone died, it was always the nice, generous, good future person, right? No one would say "Oh, I hated them. If only I had the time to tell you of all the horrible stuff they've done to me over the years." Of course, it might just be that choice editing type of thing (forgot what it's called), but still. All the jerks and idiots live to their 90's... it seems. DON'T KILL ME FOR SAYING ANYTHING YOU THOUGHT OFFENSIVE!! Just thought I might want to add that.

Wallflower

[[Yeah, yeah, I know what you're all thinking: 'How dare you stop posting!!' Well, as strange as it is, I just haven't felt... inspired to write any poems. Whatever I have written in the past MANY months have been... forced in a way. I know I WANT to write, I just don't know of what or how to do it. Make sense? However, I do still write... a lot. It's just all stories or thoughts for stories that are written down and then left alone for me to stumble on years later. Anyway.... here's something I found that isn't on here... I surprisingly like it (no clue why it's not on here)]]


Wallflower

I am a wallflower.
Standing,
Observing,
Only observing.
Watching the world pass by.
Not interacting
Never interacting
Never being talked to.
I am the wallflower
That blends into the wall.
Is of no importance at all.
Watching,
Waiting,
Only waiting.
Hardly looked at,
Barely noticed,
Barely existing.
I am a wallflower.
Finding hidden meanings
That are hardly found.
I dig too deep.
I am a wallflower.
I've already found the meaning
To my entire existance.
To stand,
Observe,
Watch,
And wait.
I am a wallflower.

I think that observing isn't just seeing things-- it's seeing past them.

{6/16/06}


[Wow, that was QUITE a while ago.... >.>]
This was actually inspired by an avatar I found... can't remember where I found it... but it's actually an excerpt from a book called "Wallflower"... can't remember who it's by... but here's the avie!! P.S. It's really long and goes fast...:

Thank You For Killing Me

It's like we don't know each other.
One day you hold me tight.
The next you don't look at me.
You're tearing me apart.

The silence between us deafens me.
Try not to care
Try not to pay attention
Try not to look at you
Try not to let you see me.
You're tearing me apart.

All I asked was for us
To just be friends.
And now, all of a sudden,
It's just 'The End'?
You're tearing me apart.

Pain is all I feel.
Trying to forget
Forget you existed
Forget US existed
Painful to forget.
You're tearing me apart.

I thought you were different
But just like everyone else:
You've left me in the end.
Left me to die
Slowly; painfully.
You're tearing me apart.

Move on.
Stop living in the past.
What's happened has happened, let it die.

I won't let it die.
If I do, it will forever haunt me with its ghost.
I'm not finished yet.
Not finished pouring everything out.

You're so naïve.
You once loved me
Suddenly you've moved on
Forgotten about me
Left me to die
Slowly; painfully.
You're tearing me apart.

I can't stand you.
Can't stand to look at you.
Not after what you've done to me.
You're tearing me apart.

Never have I had my heart killed before
Until you tore my already broken heart.
I'm running out of tape to fix it.
Thank you for killing me.

1/4/06

I'm Sorry

You say you miss the good old days
When I was sweet; an angel.
So what happened to me?
I grew up—
Life isn’t all about flowers and the sun.
Life is more than feelings and guns.
I’m not perfect,
And you can’t make me.
I’m as perfect
As I can be.
Getting me was your punishment
For wishing I’d be an angel.
Don’t look now,
But I think my halo’s broken.
The Devil’s calling me to hell.
Each tear I shed is an apology for my sins;
I’m sorry for everything I’m not
Because I can’t change,
And you’ll always find a fault in me.

8/12/05



'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`
I wrote this last night. Matt was clearly really "tight" after work, and my mom and dad were telling him to loosen and stuff. They said other stuff that made me just want to yell at them to shut up and stuff.... A while ago, when I got a new comforter (it's black on one side, sandy on the other....... I WAS considering the black and red one, but it wasn't in the right size), my parents started talking about stuff as if I wasn't even there, listening to them talk about me like that. They offically labeled me as "goth", as I said before, and my my dad said something that I put in this poem: "Getting me was your punishment for wishing I’d be an angel". That sentence haunts me. I cried myself to sleep that night and last night. I know my parents don't like how I turned out, and they know that they can't change it. But it's just a lasting guilt in me that I didn't make them proud, that I don't make them proud. But as I said, they will always find a fault in me...


EDIT: I took out a few lines so that more people can relate to this, and not just me.... aren't I nice? ^_^. It does feel like it's missing something, though.